You know what really grinds my gears? People who use the phrase, “I would never… with my child.” Really? Never? Granted, I’ve been that person before too.
I don’t pretend to know everything about parenting, but I feel like I’ve been exposed to a variety of children from various backgrounds. I have seen that, while one parenting style might work for one child- it may take something totally different for another. This may change from day to day or between children raised in the exact same environment.
You might be saying, “How dare you?” Or “Well, I would never…” and maybe you won’t ever. If that is the case, then good for you. You win the parenting contest. No, really though.
Here‘s a link to an article I liked.
My timeouts for baby girl, who has some serious separation anxiety usually occur within the same room. In the picture above, I was sitting on the couch while she sat across the room quietly for 3 minutes. After her time out we always talk about what happened and how we can keep it from happening again.
Now, because my kids were in foster care I definitely take their special needs in to consideration. They often feel insecure and unsure of their place in the family. For that reason I’m hyper vigilant that I’m minding the Circle of Security
While I recognize that every behavior is a direct result of a desire to have a need met, I also strongly agree with: Whenever necessary: take charge. So, when she misbehaves, I ask myself these questions:
- Has she been reminded of the rule today?
- What has she experienced in the recent past that may cause her to act out?
- Is this a behavior that is damaging property, hurting others, or socially unacceptable?
I also make sure that the time fits the crime. No stockade. No excessively long time outs. No grounding of my 4 year old.
My older 2. Here are some special concessions that I make for them:
- They weren’t parented for a larger portion of their life.
- Their greif and loss may be felt more strongly and may manifest in a number of different ways.
- Building trust will be more difficult.
Becuase of this, sometimes I find myself excusing their behavior until it becomes extreme. HORRIBLE IDEA. I also find myself explaining why I feel a correction is just and fair…sometimes to the perpetrator and sometimes to the sibling who feels I’m too lenient.
I guess I’m trying to say that I have researched and taken hours of classed. I’ve tried everything from Google and Pinterest. I’ve used my kids as my guinea pigs. We’ve found what works for us. Now, I’m just gonna be over here raising well mannered and properly adjusted children and you do the same. If you choose to redirect and do time ins and follow your angel around whispering little wisdoms into their tiny precious ears- go for it.
Just realize this- I love my children fiercely. I will defend them to the end of the earth. I sacrifice everything for them. My tone of voice and use of time out doesn’t change that. I promise you this: you will rarely see my children being disrespectful, disorderly, or dishonesty. They may “bend to my will” but my will is for them to be kind, honest, and well mannered. I think I’m doing a damn good job at that.